Way too True

Look How Far You’ve Come

An open letter to a past self.

You’ve come a long way kid. What you’ve lost in emotion you’ve made up for in skill. That’s both damaging and useful. In the business world, you will succeed. In other regards, you need to watch your step. Listen to Sarah and Jesse. You haven’t met them yet but they will shape you for the better. They will be the mom you see less of every day. Remember that too. You will see less of her, but it’s worth it. Remember to keep in touch with her. She is invaluable.

Dad is too. You will see a lot less of them both. Dad is going to become more of a friend, guiding you when you need it (but remember to ask. He is more than willing to do anything you ask for, but won’t necessarily offer council. Mom is the opposite, offering it where it isn’t needed. Go easy on them).

School will be harder than you ever imagined. No more coasting. You need to apply the same effort you did to your Black Belt to school. Make it consume you. You will start getting 5-7 hrs of sleep every night. Cherish the days you can sleep in.

In November 2011 you will decide to move to London, Ontario. You’ve always lived a philosophy of excellence at whatever cost. Follow through. You know it’s for the best. You will partially lose your friends, but the growth you will be forced through will be worth it.

Your perceived trouble with women in Junior High (read as ‘age’) will utterly disappear. Women are not a game. Be flattered but not manipulative. You have a high capacity for manipulation, and nobody really sees it. Breaking up with Elise will hardly matter to you, but destroy her. Remember this Adam. You are dangerously headstrong in your decisions. Take it back a few notches and observe.

You can do this Adam. Life is everything you make it. There is no chance. There is no luck. No person gives you what you want. Ever. You need to take it.

/05:23 AM

I am Pagliacci

I’m standing in the DJ Booth at the Norsemen Inn. The bar is empty. The bartender is probably gay, or questionably straight. I’ve been instructed to swap in/out various extreme sports DVDs over the course of the night. Although I’m not much of a snowboarder myself, I can respect anyone willing to throw themselves off a mountain while their legs are strapped into a bone breaking machine.

Some guy comes up to me and requests ‘Hard Rock’. I ask if AC DC is the sort of stuff he wants (people are vague as hell when making requests. ‘Rap’ means Top 40 and ‘Dubstep’ means any electronica). He claim AC DC is ‘classic rock’. I don’t think he understands that AC DC was not classic rock when they were initially big.

It eventually picks up and I see B. I went to school with her for 3 years, and she is a wonderful girl. Where her looks are not great (not terrible either, great body), her enthusiasm easily makes up for it. She is super energetic and showing me off to her friends. Her one friend in particular seems starstruck by me (‘OMG he has a lip piercing!’) and the fact that she knows the DJ makes her feel famous. I let them both hang out in the DJ booth all night, and we party and dance and it rocks. I fucking love this job. I drop ‘And We Danced’ by Macklemore, and then the crowd really goes nuts. The highlight of the night was probably when I told the crowd I had a serious problem. ‘Guys. I really need some help. I don’t know how to Dougie. Can you show me?’ Crowd loses their shit. I throw on some Dougie. This is amazing therapy.

Then this guy who is a DJ comes up and tries to mentor me. I basically say ‘this is my job, fuck off’, and he won’t stop. He gives me phenomenal information on a school in London, Ontario though. More on that later. Anyways he’s being all insulting cause I won’t let him say ‘somebody scream’ into the mic like the fucking douchebag he is. So I straight cut the music and say ‘this guy up here is talking shit. Did you guys have a fucking good time or what?’ The crowd fucking goes BONKERS and the guy is all dejected. He moves his arguments to name calling and other juvenile forms of persuasion. I hear his friends say ‘shit DJ’s got balls’. Haters gonna hate.

I finish up. The van won’t start. My mood has been the weirdest mix of ecstasy and frustration that I feel numb to the situation. It’s motivating. I know I can deal with anything. I find a drunk guy who gives me his keys and helps me boost from his car. He even lets me drive his car (he had a teacher who was killed by a drunk driver recently).

When I get home I investigate the school. It’s exactly what I need. It’s an 11-month program that has a 90% hiring rate. I think I’ll do it.

/02:15 PM

Table Dancing

I’m sitting at a table with my dad sharing drinks and wings. After two Smirnoff Ice + Sour Puss drinks, I’m comfortably drunk. I’m not the heaviest of drinkers.

This is the moment my dad becomes my peer. I feel like a therapist, and he’s opening up to me like he hasn’t ever before. We talk about everything from sex to his job. I even voice my concerns for the new woman in his life. He tells me about the night I was conceived (i actually asked him. God knows why. I think life right before me becoming an organism is a very interesting thing). He tells me ‘it involves table-dancing and wine’. Nice.

I could eat the wings there forever. Writing about food while hungry is the worst thing ever.

My Dad told me some advice. He tells me I should always be wary of a woman’s feeling on KFC. I ask for clarification.. He says “You need a woman who can appreciate a bucket every once and a while.”

Then he tells me that he is very serious about buying an Audi S4. He says that the new job he is applying for will probably provide him with a work vehicle, and that he is considering buying a fun ‘weekend vehicle’. By fun he means +300hp. He tells me it’s only on the condition that me and the guys take it on a roadtrip in the summer to Vancouver and Seattle. Fucking best deal ever.

What a guy.

/02:17 PM

Live Music = Women = Revenue

It’s been a few days since my weird, whiny suburban kid post. Let’s begin with Wednesday.

School was quick and painless, and I had a 3 hr break after school before work. Gave K. a call and asked what she was up to (she has a thing for spontaneity). She tells me she is going to the mall with her friend Y. I am hesitant. I know they are both younger than me. Could be weird. Then I consider how much of a little bitch I’m being and head down to the mall. It is a great time actually. Y. is cooler than expected. K. is un-fucking-believably good looking. She tugs at my hand when she wants a kiss. I adore it.

Thursday was one of the greatest days of my life. I pick up K. bright and early (2 pm), and we go out for some coffees at the mall. We walk around hand-in smiling and talking about nothing. We eventually decide to go to the Old Spaghetti Factory for lunch / Dinner (after spending some time at my house). We arrive downtown at 5:15, but parking is free after 6, so being the cheap bastard I am I suggest we walk around for 45 minutes. We find a nice park with an empty fountain and some benches. K. likes the cold. I like that about her. She’s a resilient little thing, not high maintenance at all, but not totally bohemian either. She runs her fingers through my hair and touches my face gently when she kisses me. Drives me wild.

We eventually are seated at the Old Spaghetti Factory and we eat. We talk about everything and nothing and movies and book and have a wonderful time. The food is great, the atmosphere feels like home, and I’m with a beautiful girl. Life rules. I rule. We rule. We spend a little more time at my house, and then I drop her off. Her family is starting to wonder about me.

When i get home, Sis2 tells me there is a midnight release for Skyrim. Tamriel needs us. We stay up until 5 am playing the shit out of the Xbox. When I realize I was Sis2’s age when Oblivion came out I am mind-blown really hard. I eventually hit the sac.

Friday (today) was as expected. I Dj’d a sports bar in F.S. There were a ton of hot ass chicks, like holy shit where did all these hot chicks come from. They were hot in a really bitchy, slutty way though. The kind of woman you should never date, or else your heart will get ripped through your chest because the sex is too good to leave, but the emotional roller-coaster is too hard to handle. The night peaked at 11, and then died when two fights broke out. Then it turned into fat whore night, and I couldn’t bear to watch the horror that unfolded. Well at least they were having fun… I guess… Their men looked soulless…

When I went outside after the show it had snowed. Cue Winter.

#Winter #Dj #Sports Bar #Long Reads #Weekend #Skyrim #Spaghetti
/2 notes /06:27 AM

This is a cry for help

Today was pretty shitty. Only one class (sounds good right?). Wrong bitches. I felt like the whole damn day was nothing but depression and hopelessness. And I have no clue why. Fuck I had a killer weekend, and even last night was ballin’. Where did I go wrong :(.

So I went to work, worked super hard (recommended/sold  Lolita and Let the Right One In) and then went home. Put off editing a paper and drank a Gin and Tonic (double dose of the Sin). So Now I’m pretty tipsy. I watched a scary South African rap video, shaved, watched Adventure Time, and then decided writing this was a good idea. I don’t think it’s up to my usual standards. Hopefully tomorrow kicks some ass.  Bitches be trippin’ all over the place.

Fok Julle Naaiers, I’ve got the Zef.

/02:02 AM

De Strip

I sit in front of the stage looking towards C.C.. Of all the strippers I’ve seen she balances

looks with skill and attitude the best. I give her my last $5 bill. The lights flash behind her and temporarily render me unable to perceive anything but the stripper and I. She is a superstar. More than that. For the time being she is a God. She has the utmost control over her body, and the bodies experiencing her. She wields her body much the same way as a musician and instrument. Her efforts however, yield lust. The moments that she acts too shy to be a stripper kill me.

She is wonderful. I wink at her and smile. She smiles back. Interacting with strippers is an all too strange performance. She acts identically for everybody. I wonder what she thinks about me.

The next act is up. Her name escapes me. She puts on an impressive show, drawing the attention of the crowd, and talking to them as she dances. The club is quiet save for the music. It is what I imagine when I think of a strip club. I normally go to a higher end place, but it is less enjoyable. Here, you are part of the fun.

Stripping is a trifecta of music, dance, and sex. Fuck the people who don’t support it. It is art as much as anything else.

#Sex #Strippers #Strip Club #Dance #Music #Memoir
/3 notes /05:58 AM

Fresh Linens

The last two days have been jam-packed with excitement. I have become a better man as a result. It is a break I desperately needed and appreciated.

Cue Saturday.

I wake up, give W. a hug and jet over to a 2 hr. staff meeting twenty minutes away. It drags. It kills me knowing W. is waiting for me to get back while I learn some pretty minimal changes to the work order (this is my second job: DJing).

When I finally do get back, I meet W. for breakfast as Cora’s. We have a pleasant breakfast. She spends a lot of her time on her phone and such, but I don’t mind. Hanging out with W. is more like being a support system for her, but she is genuinely a good time. She is just very off-the-wall and dial friendly.

We head over to Canadian Tire to burn some time before her friend gets into town (who W. is driving back to her home-town). We sit in her car listening to the Sex Ray Vision remix of Friday. We both have a smoke and I feel fantastic. I am having a fucking amazing day, and the buzz I get from smoking puts me straight into euphoria (being a lightweight for substances isn’t all bad). We head inside and I buy myself a new headlight bulb and a new air freshener (Fresh Linens. Fuck Ocean Breeze).

When we get outside W. can’t start her car. Pain in the ass. I call around to find someone with booster cables. T. (one of my two ‘brothers’) has a weird boosting device that I borrow from him. We drive back to W.’s car and start it up. Beauty.

After that it isn’t long before W. leaves. It was really nice seeing her. I half-expected something to happen between us, but I’m happier it didn’t. I felt like her brother while with her, and it’s a nice feeling. Even when she doesn’t show it I know she cares about me immensely. I hug her, tell her I love her, and she’s off. An anti-climactic departure.

Now I’ve got plenty of day to burn. I call T. and ask him to hang out but he’s feeling kind of ill. Instead I invite E. (my legitimate sister) to go see Paranormal Activity 3. Goddam that movie is amazing. Most people don’t like the series but I adore the mechanical scare tactics, and creative ways in which they depict ghosts. It is fun being with my sister. We are at the point where our interests and conversations match up nicely. I no longer feel much older than her. To think she is only a year younger than K.

After E. I see J. (one of my really close feminines). We go for coffee and then watch Superbad. I can tell she isn’t very impressed by the movie but a few moments make her laugh. It’s nice to see her. There are frequently periods where we don’t text in which she will get pretty pissed and set me straight. Oh well. It was nice hanging out. She provides a nice outlook on life that isn’t so stressful. J. is the angel on my shoulder making sure I don’t kill myself.

It is now midnight and I decide to go visit L (other feminine). Twenty minute drive, and then we stay up till 3 shooting the shit and exploring chat-roulette. L. is a funny contrast to J. They are similar in many ways and completely different in others. I don’t know how to explain it. Two sides of a coin but still the same coin? Something like that. L. is always willing to tell me about her personal life, and I reciprocate. I always learn more about myself with her. She isn’t afraid to call me out on my bullshit. Yikes.

I go home and finish up some Economics homework (an hour earlier than when I left J.’s if you consider DST). I hit the sack. Christ am I tired.

Cue Sunday

I wake up and get my new clothes on. Fuck I look fly.

I spend all day with K. I pick her up at 1:30 and we head to Whyte Ave. (a trendy, hip street) where we grab some lattes from Second Cup. I spend a lot of money today on the both of us but I don’t mind. She’s very thankful and her cuteness doesn’t hurt. We hold hands as we walk down the street and we talk about everything from Escalades to Sour Milk. She asks me what’s on my mind. I kiss her.

‘That’.

Smooth.

Next we head down to city-center where we eat at a small, unoccupied restaurant called Cocoa’s. We have a long conversation about our personal histories and sex-lives. It is charming how she isn’t afraid to open up to me. I really like that in a girl. I parked a long ways off, but the walk back is faster when you’re with a girl. I kiss her a few times on the way. Her parents call and tell her she has to be home for dinner. Fuck. I’m not done with this day (it’s only 4:30). I offer to drop her off, and pick her up after dinner. Her parents will ‘consider it’ (easy yes).

I drop her off and head off to Sobey’s where I sit like a freak in my car until I decide to get an energy drink, shampoo, and some chocolate for the two of us. She calls me back to her place shortly after (only a 45 dinner supper!) and I go pick her up.

We head over to my place. We’re home alone and we watch ‘Pineapple Express’. It’s endearing how much she laughs. We agree to smoke-up on Thursday when I see her again. We kiss pretty frequently all night, but she is initiating as much as I am. I love how she touches my face and chest when she kisses me. She may be a bit younger than me, but she knows exactly what she want. I drop her off at home at 9:30, and come back to my house.

I am hit with a burst of creatively. I throw my old musical project to the side and immediately start a bad-ass track sampling ‘Are You Man Enough?’. It turns out almost exactly as planned, and is the perfect start to something I’ll be proud of.

I am fresh.

#Fresh Linens #Long Reads #Anecdote #Story #Real Life #Teenager
/7 notes /02:31 AM

The Natal Day

Day one of my three days of living comes to a close. I’ll finally get to have some rest. It’s only 12:12.

W. is pregnant. She’s 6 weeks in, and has full support from the father, her family, and a good deal of her friends. Me included. The day is pretty lackluster, but an amazing experience for us all. W. hung out with my sister while I was at school, and then we hung out the three of us for around an hour. L. (my sister) adds a wonderful dynamic to conversation that I always appreciate. Our similarities are boundless.

If you’ve never hung out with a pregnant woman, you’re missing out on one of the manliest things you can do. I don’t know how my dad lived 3 years total of a pregnant wife. There is endless ‘crank’. W. is very irritable and highly aware of her pregnancy. I have so much respect for her. I would never be able to do it, and yet she is facing it head-on. I know there will be plenty of people that will judge her for entering into this choice so young, but I know she will make a wonderful mother. I talked to her about me being the Godfather. I think she’s on-board for it.

The similarities between her and L. are astounding. At the risk of sounding like a deviant, I find myself attracted to girls who exhibit behavior similar to my sister. I think it’s because of my huge respect for her. I don’t want to date someone like me. I’m not one for emotional masturbation. I want to be with a woman like my sister. Easy enough to relate to, but with differences large enough to be interesting.

W. is asleep in the living room on the couch. We were watching Superbad and she was drifting off, not even wanting to move to a bed. I know she knows how much I care about her, and that’s enough for me.

I spent $150 (too much) buying myself some new clothes. Did I mention I have a date with K. on Sunday? Gotta say fly.

[P.S. No STD’s for me.]

#Pregnancy #Teen #Love #Father #Sister #Anecdote #Memoir
/19 notes /02:23 AM

I wish I was born in the 80’s

I’m sitting in my Pop. Music lecture that runs at night. We are really fleshing out the pop music culture of the 1980’s, focusing on Madonna and controversy. I love it. It’s all so fascinating to me. This is the music my parents grew up on. DJing weddings hasn’t helped my recent 80’s addiction either. My mom recommended ‘Call Me’ to me and I fell in love. The women have such an aggressive sexiness to them that is so lacking today.

My anticipation all culminates tomorrow. I’ve been waiting a month for the weekend I am about to experience. I’m sure I will have a perfectly interesting account of my few days off on Sunday or Monday, but for now it is but speculation. A full two days off. I’m going to enjoy the shit out of this weekend.

The best news I have gotten in a while was that I also have Thursday and Friday off next week. I plan on spending the day with K. I’ll give her the date of her life.

#Madonna #Long reads #real life #anticipation #anecdote #story
/6 notes /05:49 AM

Cut

I sit in looking at myself in the mirror. This is my first professional haircut in +6months. I can tell. My hair is starting to look really messy. C. is a nice woman, and talks to me the entire time she cuts my hair. I’m really skeptical of how short she is making it, but eventually I really like it. I thank her, pay, and leave.

Nobody says anything about it at work (not that I expect compliments on my hair). Then I see X. She notices. It still meant something despite the break-up. I think she only noticed because she used to cut my hair.

I look good. Really good. As a result I am much more confident at work, and do my job phenomenally, flying around the store giving recommendations. Then I have a friend text me my mark from the Bio. Midterm. 17/30.

I went into the exam confident, and left with feeling even better about it. I was sure I pulled off an 80. I’m starting to get really upset about school. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I can’t take it back. I can’t study harder. The 57% will be forever recorded as my mark on my Bio 108 midterm. Fuck that. I’m in a terrible mood for the rest of the night. Still am really.

At least G. came and talked to me. That was unexpected. She gave me a hug. I needed it more than she knew. I hope tomorrow goes better.

/12:20 AM

The Wait

I sign in at the walk in clinic under a bunch of names with the words ‘Prescription Refill’ next to them. I pen in my name, and next to it:

‘STI Screening’. I couldn’t think of a more subtle way to phrase it while still being medically accurate.

I’ve come to the conclusion that by being dubbed a ‘waiting room’, this space turns into a temporal black hole, where time ceases to exist. I ask how long the wait is. I have 2 hours until I need to be working, and this is the last chance I’ll have to get screened for about a week. Gotta get it today.

The walk-in clinic burns half of that time. I take a nap that only last twenty minutes tops but feels like the cretaceous period. Eventually I get up, explain that I just need a piece of paper with a few check marks and my name on it, and that I’ve been waiting an hour. They pull me to the side and fill out my info quickly. Perfect. One hour to go. We can do this.

I arrive at the lab in a good mood. Getting screened for STI’s by my own volition feels really good. I feel like an adult. I walk in and head up to the counter. I stunning nurse takes my piece of paper, and unable to read the walk-in doctor’s handwriting, asks for clarification on my name.

“O……din?’ I wish. I correct her and laugh.

I check out the time. 45 minutes. The nurse says I’ll be taken within half an hour. Also need to factor in actual time for the blood sample, urine sample, and getting to work. I ask if I can leave and come back. They say yes, but if they call me and I’m not there, they can’t help me. I move my ass to my house to get work clothes, and exchange a few words with my mom, who I didn’t expect to see at her ex-husband’s (and my) house. She asks where I’m rushing off to. In my most subtle terms possible so my youngest sister doesn’t catch on I reply,

‘I’m back in the game. I have to make sure I’m not ruining it for everyone else.’ Sharp. Felt good rolling off my tongue. My mom says I’m responsible and sends me off. She tells me not to stay up until 3 am again tonight. As I write this it is 3:18 am.

I return to the lab, and after a ten minute wait (it is now 4:36, I work at 5) they take me in. I didn’t expect to make it, so I’m pleasantly surprised. The anticipation for the needle sucks, but the initial penetration of my skin feels oddly satisfying. Controlled pain is a hell of a thing. The blood sample happens quickly. I go to the washroom and pee into the little canister I’ve been handed. I consider how hard it would be for a girl to accomplish this without getting urine all over themselves. The things that go on in my head.

I put the now yellow canister in the little cupboard and get my ass to work precisely on time. Nice. I didn’t expect to make it.

On my break I see X. (more correctly - Ex) at her work. I haven’t talked to her more than 2 or 3 times since the split a month ago, so we go share our break together. She notices the cotton ball on my arm.

‘What happened to your arm?’

What I think: ‘Just making sure you didn’t give me syphilis during those hundreds of unprotected sex-sessions we had.’

What I say: ‘Better to be sure.’

She accepts it with a bit of venom, but accepts it. We talk, but I can tell that it makes her uncomfortable. I was obviously the abandoner. However, the more we talk the more I realize, she makes a good ex-girlfriend.

#Screening #Long Reads #Teenager #Sex #Anecdote #Blood #Ex #Memoir
/5 notes /05:27 AM